Archive for June, 2005
Hi Vernon,
I've followed your case on and off again via Cassingham's online column. I just visited your web site (http://www.aldotwaste.com/_sgt/f10000.htm). What a jerk of a writer in the comments section. His enabling is an example of why I removed the ability of others to make comments on my web site.
You write that this is a case of David vs. Goliath. More important, it's a case of the non-alcoholic vs. the alcoholic. The comment on racial slurs did it for me: I've never found a racist in whom I could not eventually identify alcohol or other drug addiction.
The code of silence indicates a culture of alcoholism--insuring that people aren't required to bear the responsibility for misbehaviors. While most ...
Not the usual fluff
I just discovered your website via a link from the "This is True" newsletter.
Doug, you have a great thing going here. The hard and measured style is such a welcome change from the self-serving fluff usually found in the media on this subject.
I've been sober since 1993.
I come from a family that (as the joke could go) put the 'dys' in dysfunction. Both my sisters and I began drinking in high school: not on a daily basis, but never just to get a buzz; always to get plastered.
I mostly drank just to feel comfortable in my own skin. Does that make sense? The emotional abuse was pretty cutting and nearly constant, so the booze would help drive ...
Eating Disorders
Dear Doug,
What are your thoughts on eating disorders?
Fred
Hi Fred,
Overeating is probably a biochemical response involving ancestors who never knew where their next meal was coming from. Other disorders may be psychological responses to psychological and emotional abandonment by an alcoholic parent. Some may be connected to alcoholism, since according to some in the eating disorders 12-step programs, 40-50% of compulsive eaters are alcoholics. OTOH, this may be self-selection at work--alcoholics who know about the 12-step programs gravitate toward Overeaters Anonymous, etc.
Best guess. Why do you ask?
Doug
Dear Doug,
I read your site and I was married to women who secretly had bulimia/anorexia. Since she did not drink to excess, to all outward appearances she seemed like someone who had it ...
Domestic violence site, M. Stanton Peele, other misc. & my response
Doug--WOW, I am bowled over by your site. You have guts for this field and and I am so grateful to see you in it! what a great message--hold the addict responsible for his or her behavior!
I am a specialist in the field also (and a sober alcoholic/addict). I have been on the leading edge--as you are--in concepts regarding recovery. My Brother Dr. Marshall and I have just written a book for parents (drug crisis response manual) Ready, Aim, Inspire: Targeting your child's drug crisis and not the way you raised them. We too look at finding them early and using personal responsibility (not parent blaming) as the recourse. Of course everyone would like to think that if you ...
Am I cold, callous & judgmental–or warm and caring?
This is a series of emails in which the writer first thought I was cold and callous, but after which she realized that I am, as she put it, the polar opposite. It's a wonderful exchange.
Dear Doug,
I am in utter disbelief that such cruel and heartless methodology could have come this far as to support not only a website, but book(s).
I work in the medical field, and at one time married to an addict. I see addiction on a daily basis, and have witnessed first hand, the devastating aftermath addiction creates. Are you unaware however, who suffers greatest from this "biological genetic disorder?" None other than the addict himself. And your advice suggests to further ...
and two more accolades, with one response on getting a sponsor
Hi Doug,
I just wanted to say I came across your article on Alcoholism in the Daily News on Friday, 6/17/05. It was a fine article on a subject that is touched very little by the media today. You tell it like it is ( in your opinion) and I couldn't agree with you more. As you know, my sister Joyce is married to an alcoholic and I know first hand some of the ways in which they operate. I thank you for exposing this illness in its many forms and enlightening the public. Keep up the good work!
And another:
Hello Doug,
I presently read your article in the daily news. I was wondering if at all possible for you to help ...
Another response to the Whelchel piece; alcoholic daughter
Thank you Mr.Thorburn for the article on alcoholism in the paper. I work as a receptionist for a doctor in Valencia, and on day two, when we heard about the killings, I ask the doctor how God could allow this to happen?
He said, "We will learn that he was a deveant, and society has let us down." So his take turns out to be the same as yours. How sad that he was not dealt with before such a horrible tragedy.
I have a nephew who is a recovering acholic, and a daughter who is in the denial stage, anyway it has not been talked about. She starts with rum and coke about four in the afternoon and ...
And a positive response to the Whelchel piece
Dear Mr. Thorburn,
I appreciated the clear point-by-point educated guess as to why the killing
rampage took place.
I have a grandson, age 21, who hangs around with life long-friends who,
being Irish, take a kind of perverse its-inherited - attitude that
drinking is cool. This grandson cannot afford to drink and I would like to
influence him to understand what he is getting into. Pictures of brain
deterioration, for example. Statistics about holding jobs, etc.
Can you recommend a book, documentary, some source material, that I can
obtain to start his education on this subject? It would be much appreciated.
I lived with an alcoholic step-father for many years - though they didn't
call it then back ...
Negative response to Daily News article on Toby Whelchel
Dear Mr. Thorburn:
I was deeply disturbed by your letter in the L.A. Daily News. It would seem your opinion is that "alcoholics" ar all potentially psychopaths, which at any time can go off on a rampage.
You mention the 'stigma" of alcoholism and addiction. Thank you, you've contributed to the continuation of that stigma.
Do you really know any alcoholics, either "recovered" or still drinking? If you did, you would know that, with the exception of a powerful thirst for alcohol, alcoholics are pretty much like other folks in temperment, noble aspirations, and moral failings.
Finally, are you such an expert on alcoholism that you can correctly diagnose someone without even determining their pattern of excessive alcohol consumption ...
A TV review: Dr. Phil’s Primetime Special: Escaping Addiction
And, a Review of "A Dr. Phil Primetime Special: Escaping Addiction"
While Dr. Phil understands addiction, even he can misinform. This program is an excellent example of good information intertwined with bad.
The program, originally shown on CBS Friday May 20, featured an on-air intervention with the head nurse of an alcohol/drug rehab center, Joannie. A full-blown pharmaceutical drug addict, Joannie not only admits to her addiction, but also cops to manipulating, lying, cheating, stealing and even driving with her kids in the car while very much under the influence of narcotics. The most serious flaw in the show may have been the failure to explain that such admissions and self-diagnoses are exceedingly unusual in the early stages of the disease ...
“Modigliani”
classic tale of alcohol-induced tragedy
Movie Review: "Modiglianiâ€
"Do you know what love is? Real love? So deeply you'd condemn yourself to eternity in hell? I do and I have."
So began Jeanne Hebuterne's narration of the story of her lover, artist Amedeo Modigliani. Few movies with obvious addicts at their center excite, but this one does - because of the ease with which we can relate to the codependent, Hebuterne (played endearingly by Elsa Zylberstein), who is drawn imperceptibly into the abyss. It's a classic tale of the seeming incomprehensibility of misbehaviors keeping close people off balance, making it easy to induce them to do things they would never in their right minds consider.
Initially, Modigliani (played by Andy Garcia in ...
Comparing my work with Beattie’s (“Codependent no More”)
I'm reading the other books that I ordered from you. You have no idea how much I appreciate them. You have somehow driven to the core of the issue and answered so many questions above and beyond the other books that I have poured my heart into. I thought no one could touch Beattie, but you did.
Debra
Wonderful . It's accolades like yours that keep me writing. Thanks Debra.
Comparing my work with Beattie’s (“Codependent no More”)
I'm reading the other books that I ordered from you. You have no idea how much I appreciate them. You have somehow driven to the core of the issue and answered so many questions above and beyond the other books that I have poured my heart into. I thought no one could touch Beattie, but you did.
Debra
Wonderful . It's accolades like yours that keep me writing. Thanks Debra.
Toby Whelchel piece, published in The Daily News June 17
The intervention could have begun long before.
and the tragedy might have never occurred
By Doug Thorburn
Investigators were reportedly stumped in trying to figure out what set off Toby Whelchel, who went on a killing spree in Thousand Oaks and Simi Valley May 30-31 that left four dead. The thinking goes, if we can figure out what triggers the anger that explodes into such rampages, tragedies might be prevented.
The problem is, all indications point to a damaged brain, which is usually caused by untreated alcoholism. If true, it doesn't matter what he was upset over. There is no particular set of events or difficulties occurring in his life that normal people wouldn't have dealt with in a more civilized manner. Those ...
An open letter to Tammy Bruce
Hi Tammy,
I'm the addiction expert who tried suggesting on Saturday's show at 5:55pm June 4 that alcoholism might best explain Bill Clinton's idiotic adolescent-like misbehaviors while in office. You essentially responded, as Larry Elder has before you, that I could call him a sex addict but not an alcoholic. Tammy, you have a wonderful goal: solving mankind's problems. I love your ideas and greatly appreciate the fact that you are so honest in dealing with the Democrats of today (and, I'm sure, with life in general). However, I'd love to share with you the reason an understanding of alcoholism will help you in achieving your goal.
Briefly (I've written four books on the subject, so this is, shall we say, ...
Alcoholic pilots
A friend wrote to me regarding the pilots on trial for blowing a .08 per cent when ready to take off:
"It is funny... the pilots are arguing that just because they blow a high bac, they were not impaired.... how is that for alcoholic thinking.... sure they can hold their booze..... but.... a funny argument... "as an alcoholic, it takes much more alcohol to impair me than the average drinker...." "
My response:
The trouble with the idea of "impairment" is that often the alcoholic functions quite well while under the influence. In fact, I've known of alcoholic golfers whose playing is much better while under the influence than when not. In particular, ...
So why do people abuse others?
I wrote this in response to a column on domestic abuse, which never once mentioned alcoholism as the root cause. The editor of the paper wrote back, "very interesting information," but failed to publish my piece. Oh well.
Dear Editor,
Rob Rephan's discussion omitted the crucial underlying factor in most abuse: alcohol and other drug addiction. Alcoholism in particular results in distortions of perception and memory that cause the afflicted person to view everything he or she does in a self-favoring light. This results in a god-like sense of self, which the addict feeds by wielding power over others. To accomplish this end, he or she sometimes engages in physical violence and always in its psychological counterpart.
Charm is a particularly perverse method ...
A reader who “gets” my message
By the way, I've been lending DDD out to my friends, one at a time. My mom has gotten good at identifying alcoholics too. Together we were able to confirm addiction in a friend of the family's. I suspected him soley based on the fact that he made fun of his wife's cooking twice at a dinner they invited us to, and a couple weeks later my mom asked his daughter some pointed questions and determined that his drinking is certainly alcoholic. Unfortunately, I don't know what I can do other than see if his wife (who pretends nothing is wrong) wants to borrow your book.
As for the Kennedy's, I just finished reading A History of the American People by ...
She still drinks. How can I get over a broken heart?
Dave writes:
I want to thank you for your fine work I have read all three of your books and just ordered your fourth. I was married to an alcoholic for 8 years. I went through 2 rehabilitation programs with my wife, as well as several suicide attempts by her. Finally, a year and a half ago, I laid out the tough love and said "Get Sober" or I will get a divorce. She did not want to stop drinking and consequently, in December my divorce became final. I moved her up to Seattle, WA to live with her mother and sister and sadly to this day she of course, still drinks. As I am sure ...
Great alcoholic joke
Girls' Night Out
Why women should avoid a "girls night out" after they are married...............
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door,
the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
quick-witted ...
Which is a worse problem: steroids or alcohol(ism)?
Hi Doug:
In the Congressional hearings, one of the fathers indicated
his son took drugs to mitigate depression caused by steroids.
(This father also mentioned pimples on his son's upper body,
abnormal aggressiveness, and increase of 30 pounds ... none
of which the dad recognized as steroid abuse at the time.)
Judging from the news it seems likely that young athletes
on steroids would likely turn to drug or alcohol abuse...
moreso than young athletes not taking them.
Parents are concerned that drugs, alcohol and steroids are
causing anti-social and violent behavior in their kids and are
seeking ways to help their children.
Showing parents how to recognize early-stage alcohol or
substance abuse by their youngsters can have strong
book market appeal.
Steve
I responded:
No. They are addicts; therefore, they are more willing ...
Which is more important: the booze or the child?
Amazing Antics: Stories of Alcoholism-Driven Behaviorsâ„¢
Proof-positive: the booze is more important that the kid
"EVERYONE HAS TO HAVE THEIR PRIORITIES: Police in Mobile, Ala., say Yanique Mauldin, 32, was involved in two hit-and-run accidents. After the second she abandoned her car and ran, taking a bottle of wine she had with her, but leaving behind her 6-year-old son. She was caught nearby and booked for felony hit-and-run, felony drunk driving, resisting arrest, driving with a canceled license, and other charges. (Mobile Register) ...Honor her choice: let her keep the wine, but not the kid."
I couldn't agree more. Drinking and driving with her young son is, by itself, compelling evidence that she has the disease of alcoholism. Since alcoholics often ...
Is smoking–or alcoholism–responsible for misbehaviors?
Alcoholic Myth-of-the-Month (a "half-truthâ€): Smokers are more likely to get into trouble than non-smokers.
"Researchers found that Navy recruits who smoke before enlistment are nearly twice as likely to be expelled for behavioral issues. The study of 6,950 Navy recruits entering active duty in 2001 also found that smokers were five times more likely than nonsmokers to have skipped classes in high school and five times more likely to have been arrested or detained by police for non-traffic offenses. ‘Smoking suggests other types of problematic behavior,' said Eli Flyer, one of the study's authors and a former senior analyst for the Department of Defense.â€
So wrote Charles Duhigg in the Los Angeles Times, April 25, 2005 in "Beyond a craving: Despite all ...
Dear Doug: Drama queen neighbor
Dear Doug: Drama queen neighbor
Dear Doug:
A neighbor seems to thrive on fighting with her husband to a degree that is deeply troubling. After one recent altercation, police hauled them both in. Having told all the neighbors he would have killed her had she not fought back, they were quickly back together. Amazingly, she told me she plans on resolving their problems by spending more time together. While I've lost any concern I had for either of them, I fear for the lives of their two young children. I'd love to know why some people seem to crave such drama and what, if anything, I should do about it.
Signed, Concerned Neighbor
. . . . . .
Dear Concerned ...
Runners-Up for Top Story for June
Runners-up for top story of the month: Jaime Plascencia, husband of give-Wendy's-a-finger-woman Anna Ayala, who purchased the finger that ultimately found its way into the chili from an otherwise uninvolved Nevada man who lost it in an industrial accident. Plascencia, who was charged along with his wife with conspiracy to commit fraud in her attempted grand larceny, was already in jail on unrelated charges of identity theft. Jeremy Brian Jones, 32, aka John Paul Chapman, indicted by an Alabama grand jury in the slaying of 45-year-old Lisa Nichols, who was found raped, shot and burned in September 2004, now suspected in a string of rape-murders. Neighbors described him as a "volatile, paranoid man who was often glassy-eyed from using methamphetamine"(meth ...
How could Jerry Hobbs have murdered his own daughter?
Monster Dad: Why did Jerry Hobbs murder his own daughter?
Top Story: A rational explanation can be found in unimpeded alcoholism.
Parents in the quiet community of Zion, Illinois were "shocked"after the fatal stabbings of eight-year-old Laura Hobbs and her best friend, 9-year-old Krystal Tobias, by Laura's father, Jerry Brandon Hobbs lll. State Attorney Michael Walker said, "there isn't any rational explanation for what happened,"while Zion Police Chief Doug Malcolm intoned, "This sort of thing just doesn't happen here."
Yet, Hobbs had reportedly been arrested 29 times in the last 15 years for committing violent acts. Once, "a drunken Hobbs chased neighbors with a chainsaw"while screaming at his girlfriend and mother of his child, Sheila Hollabaugh, "I'll kill you."He was last released ...