Eating Disorders
Dear Doug,
What are your thoughts on eating disorders?
Fred
Hi Fred,
Overeating is probably a biochemical response involving ancestors who never knew where their next meal was coming from. Other disorders may be psychological responses to psychological and emotional abandonment by an alcoholic parent. Some may be connected to alcoholism, since according to some in the eating disorders 12-step programs, 40-50% of compulsive eaters are alcoholics. OTOH, this may be self-selection at work–alcoholics who know about the 12-step programs gravitate toward Overeaters Anonymous, etc.
Best guess. Why do you ask?
Doug
Dear Doug,
I read your site and I was married to women who secretly had bulimia/anorexia. Since she did not drink to excess, to all outward appearances she seemed like someone who had it together. I did not figure it out until after she was close to falling apart. It was when her goals were met, it was time to leave college and enter the real world that her eating disorder became more than she could control. She decided to clean out the bank make a bunch of promises that she never kept, and go for the throat in court. I wrote her a letter telling her what I had figured out and that I would stand by her as she got help at a clinic. She ran away and luckily settled quickly on a settlement. After she was gone and the smoke cleared I figured out a lot. I totally agree now with you. I really tried to help her but it was too late. She was on a delusion of grandeur and left me to write a book to become rich and famous like Cher and Madonna and donate the money to cure racism. It’s a long story but what I gained from the torture I was put through is a self defense mechanism to avoid women who have been molested or are the children of alcoholic parents.
It was great at the beginning but turned to shit quickly. She baited me in and began to isolate me from my friends, family and later myself. It was not until she was making demands that were never to be achieved that I took a step back and realized this person will never he happy. At that point I gave up. It was more of a self preservation response more than anything.
I have considered telling my story to help other men avoid the hell I have gone through. To help others see the signs before it will cost them emotionally and financially. I am a classic Mopar fan and could spot and ID any Mopar 1964 – 1975 50 yards away by seeing just a small portion of the car. I now can spot a female with an eating disorder just as well.
I wanted to let you know that your advice should include people with eating disorders. If you would like to discuss this further I would be more than happy to share my thoughts. This is a hidden problem that fits right in with your work.
Keep up the good work. We need guys like you to help people avoid the sheer misery that comes with falling in love with someone with these problems.
Survivor of 9 years of physical, emotional and financial abuse
Fred
Dear Fred,
I think the key, Fred, is she may have been the child of an addict, as you imply.
While early identification of alcoholism is my forte, if we arrive at an 80% chance of addiction, I’m all for clearing out. To get above 80%, I need some proof of actual use and style of use. But at 80%, the behaviors are all there.
What are the not-so-obvious signs of an eating disorder?
Doug
Dear Doug,
They most subtle is not letting the spoon or fork touch the lips. They scrape they utensil across their teeth. Eating alone. Buffet eating. Weighing self more than once a day. Over exercising. Many of our health club professionals are suffering from eating disorders.
My wife was a child of an alcoholic father who later became the leader of AA and in turn devoted more time to other AA members than he did making up for the damage he did to his own family. I later figured out that she was molested at some point in her childhood.
Mother suffered from hyperthyroidism and passed that ailment onto her daughters. I truly believe that her mothers behavior lead her father to alcohol. Luckily I had my hobby of restoring cars to turn to instead of drinking.
Living with someone who was an ACA, hyperthyroid, molested, eating disorder was not good for me at all. I would not with that on my worst enemy.
85% of all people suffering from eating disorders were molested as children. The majority of children are from drug/alcoholic homes. I wanted to let you know that learning more about eating disorders will help you become more attune to identifying addicts.
Any help I can provide is at your service.
Fred
Dear Fred,
Fred, behaviors do not lead to alcoholism. Alcoholism causes misbehaviors. The typical recovering alcoholic tells us he or she triggered alcoholism during the first drinking episode. The average age at which one takes his first drink in the U.S. is 13. Her father was an alcoholic long before she was born.
Molestation alone gives me at least 80% odds of alcoholism in a parent, so it’s at least a super-majority from alcoholic homes. I’m well aware that problems in a child indicate alcoholism in a parent.
I think you would not only find my books fascinating, but derive some benefit from them as well–intellectual as well as, dare I say?, emotional. Understanding the root cause helps us better deal with the misbehaviors from both a practical and psychological point of view.
Doug