She still drinks. How can I get over a broken heart?
Dave writes:
I want to thank you for your fine work I have read all three of your books and just ordered your fourth. I was married to an alcoholic for 8 years. I went through 2 rehabilitation programs with my wife, as well as several suicide attempts by her. Finally, a year and a half ago, I laid out the tough love and said “Get Sober” or I will get a divorce. She did not want to stop drinking and consequently, in December my divorce became final. I moved her up to Seattle, WA to live with her mother and sister and sadly to this day she of course, still drinks. As I am sure is no surprise to you. My question to you is what is the best way to deal with my broken heart and guilt feelings for not being able to help someone I loved so much? Should I go to a group? See a therapist? Or will time simply heal my wounds?
Hi Dave,
Thanks for writing. Tough question. Time, of course, heals. My wounds healed with time and the writing of chapter 12 of Drunks. Wouldn’t hurt to re-read it. What anger I had became focused on the idiot therapists who didn’t and don’t get it. I never had any guilt; after all, how could we be expected to do the right thing when accurate information about alcoholism, its diagnosis and its treatment is almost non-existent? Al-Anon wouldn’t hurt; nor would AA itself. My book “Alcoholism Myths and Realities” may help as well.
BTW, she still drinks because rather than eliminating enablers, you have merely switched them. As long as there is one enabler left in her life, the odds of permanent sobriety are greatly reduced.
Good luck Dave. Keep in touch. Oh, and thanks for the wonderful accolade!