Toxic tenant with children could be lethal to landlord and children alike
Dear Doug
There are so many possibilities this month: the verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive foul-mouthed mother whose third husband appears to have no idea about her past….the woman who divorced her husband over two years ago and who, despite the fact that he belittles and trashes her and is “manic-depressive,” she lets stay in her home because he claims to be broke after gambling it all away and she would feel guilty about forcing him out….the sister who complains that her parents enable her recently graduated unemployed 27-year-old brother who told her “the magic bill-paying fairies” take care of his expenses while he plays video games and “gets high”….the woman who worries that her sister, who “may have a mental disorder,” is physically abusing her husband by slapping, biting and punching him and is concerned over the safety of their two young children….the woman who worries that her husband, who was recently diagnosed with “Post-Traumatic Stress disorder”, isn’t healthy because he blows his lid when her kids don’t properly tie the trash bag or leave a few drops of water on the sink after washing their hands….the mother-in-law who called everyone she knew one evening to tell them how fat her daughter-in-law is, repeatedly using the term “big as a house,” and who now can’t understand why she refuses to visit. But there is a winner.
Tenant from hell
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Dear Doug:
I am trying to evict a toxic tenant, who shares custody of three young children, the oldest of whom is 11. I’ve been told by other tenants that she frequently leaves the 11-year-old in charge of the siblings, which include a severely autistic 8-year-old and a 5-year-old, to go out and party. While she claims her ex-husband is the devil and tells stories to back up her claim, police who’ve been called say they had never met a “true” sociopath until they met her. I know how to contact the ex-husband and am thinking about informing him of the stories she tells. Should I? What if she’s telling the truth about him? I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to her children.
Signed,
Victim of financial abuse, but concerned about the children
. . . .
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might suggest you discuss the woman’s criminal mothering with police to see if anything can be done for the children. They might also tell you do not contact the ex-, but instead involve child protective services, which can help protect the children from both parents if necessary.
This is not bad advice. However, such columnists don’t fully explain why the children might need protection from both parents. Here’s why: she leaves the kids alone to go out and “party,” which is a euphemism for “get drunk and high;” she is, therefore, clearly an addict. We have to figure we know nothing about the ex-husband, since she is probably confabulating stories. However, many of the most horrific fights, including those surrounding a divorce, involve multiple addicts. Since he might also be an addict, we cannot predict how destructive either parent might become, what form it might take, or when. While you should do everything you can to advocate for the children, you should also protect yourself and make sure you do not become more of a target than you already are as the landlady.
(Source for story ideas: “Ask Amy,” February 2, January 7, March 9 and February 23; “Annie’s Mailbox,” March 7 and March 14; and the winner, Ask Amy, February 3.)