Don’t bother confronting a pill thief; tell her husband instead
Dear Doug: Pill Thief
Dear Doug:
A family friend, Anita, who has had drug problems and been diagnosed with a “chemical imbalance”she treats with drug therapy, recently stayed at our home. After she returned home to her husband and children, I found several empty bottles of medication, including strong narcotics that my husband used after surgery last year. No one other than Anita could have taken these drugs.
We have no idea what to do. We don’t want to tell Anita’s husband, who might leave her, but are concerned for the children. Should we tell her husband, confront Anita, or what?
Signed,
Victim of a Pharmaceutical Addict
. . . .
Dear Victim,
Other columnists might suggest that you calmly discuss the missing medications with Anita, sympathizing with her over her addiction. They’d suggest you inform Anita that you are ready to help her and have the concerns of her children in mind. They’d warn you that Anita might become angry, but point out that it’s possible she didn’t consume the pills even if she took them. They’d tell you not to argue with her and simply offer information on support groups such as Narcotics Anonymous.
The latter is the only sensible information offered. Of course she’d tell you she took the meds with the idea of ingesting them but changed her mind and threw them out. Of course she swallowed them and went home to her apparently estranged family and continued to wreak havoc. If you even slightly slipped into the area of accusations she’d then turn against you with a vengeance you have never before seen. But bear in mind, you are the least of Anita’s victims.
She has likely been harming others for decades. She is an addict and you enabled her by giving her comfort and a place to stay after she’d likely been kicked out of her home for misbehaviors. The odds are very high that her “chemical imbalance”is a manifestation of her addiction, as are her family problems.
Note that your husband had gone a year without finishing the meds. This is typical of non-addicts, who often can’t wait to get off prescribed pills. Many non-addicts are willing to suffer in pain rather than take strong narcotics, which are nothing more than heroin or another opiate in legal form. Addicts not only take all they are prescribed, but also whatever they can get their hands on illicitly.
Of course you should tell her husband. He may not have the foggiest idea what he’s dealing with. Do everything you can to inform him that there is virtually no chance the pills disappeared any other way than by Anita’s theft, and that since she has the disease of addiction she probably consumed them and others, will act badly as a result and will lie about her consumption to protect her perceived right to use whatever she wants. It will be up to her husband to act accordingly, but perhaps if you suggest he read, oh, say Chapter 5 of Drunks, Drugs & Debits, he will do what needs to be done.
And by the way, please, never let a practicing addict or one you think is in recovery stay with you again without inventorying and locking up your drugs.
(Source for story idea: Annie’s Mailbox, February 2, 2006.)