Alcoholism doesn’t mesh well with a GPS.
Story from “This is True” by Randy Cassingham, with his “tagline:”
“PENALTY STROKE: Patricia A. Maione, 46, ‘stated that her GPS had told her to turn left,’ a Northbridge, Mass., police officer wrote in his report. ‘She stated that this left brought her into a ‘cornfield’ and once she was in the ‘cornfield’ she kept driving trying to get out of her ‘cornfield’.’ It wasn’t a cornfield, it was a golf course: the officer found her car stuck in a sand trap. And, witnesses say, she took the turn onto the course at about 45 mph. It wasn’t so much of a failure of the GPS navigation unit as it was, the officer found, that Maione allegedly admitted she had drunk half a bottle of vodka. She was charged with driving on a suspended license, fourth-offense drunk driving, and driving with an open container of alcohol in the car. (RC/Worcester Telegram & Gazette) …She may have yelled ‘fore!’ but it sounds like she had a fifth.”
At least that much, Randy (the “RC” before the news source means this is Randy Cassingham’s headline and tagline), since confusion to this degree requires a lot of hooch. While it’s true we can’t always trust our GPS (or MapQuest) directions, unless we’re really plastered we’re not going to turn onto a golf course, we won’t think it’s a “cornfield,” we won’t end up in a sand trap and we’re unlikely to have made such a turn at 45 mph. If there was no proof she had been drinking, the uninitiated among us would shake our heads, wonder what she was thinking and make excuses for her, such as “She should have been able to trust her GPS” and “It must have been really dark.” The addictionologists among us would simply ask, “What drug or drugs was she on?” as we must always do when we shake our heads and wonder what someone is or was thinking.
(Story and tagline from “This is True,” copyright 2012 by Randy Cassingham, used with permission. If you haven’t already subscribed to his newsletter—the free one at least, or the paid one I get, with more than twice the stories—I highly recommend it: www.ThisIsTrue.com.)