Dear Doug: Big Spender
Dear Doug:
My husband, who recently developed AIDS after being diagnosed with HIV several years ago, wants to ask his family and mine for money to offset the cost of treatment. He thinks family should always be willing to help each other financially, but I'm concerned we will appear greedy since we recently spent all our funds on a swimming pool and several other large purchases. What are your thoughts?
Signed,
Wanting to Keep Good Appearances
. . . .
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might correctly respond that no one is obligated to help you out of financial difficulties, particularly if you haven't been as frugal as you should have been. However, they might suggest asking anyway, while expressing regret that you ...
The McCoy clan had WHAT disease?!
"He's no addict! The doctor prescribed his meds!" and "He's no addict! He's mentally ill!"
These variations of Myths # 12 and # 64 in Alcoholism Myths and Realities have been debunked in this month's top story. Instead, let's burst another myth:
"Disease aided in notorious feud. Doctors say McCoy clan illness made them violent."
So wrote Marilynn Marchione in an AP headline and sub-heading, in an attempt to explain the infamous feud between the Hatfields and McCoys. While admitting that no one blames the feud solely on the illness"are you ready?"Von Hippel-Lindau disease, she wrote that doctors say it could help explain some of the violent behavior the clan exhibited. Ok, I suppose several of the 28 symptoms, including headaches, dizziness and ...
Meth-heads do the craziest things!
Story from "This is True" by Randy Cassingham, with his "tagline:"
"WHEN YOU FAIL TO PLAN, YOU PLAN TO FAIL: Police in Chandler, Ariz., say the first mistake Jonathan Zaletel, 19, made was using a toaster oven to cook a batch of methamphetamine--in a clothes closet in his condo. He made his second mistake after the closet caught fire: he tried to put out the flames with water and window cleaner. When that didn't work, they say, Zaletel went to a nearby Wal-Mart, where he bought a fire extinguisher; by the time he returned, the fire department had arrived. A sprinkler system had extinguished the fire, and Zaletel was arrested. "From the look of it, he seems pretty new at it," ...
Hugo Chavez, totalitarian addict
Hugo Chavez, Totalitarian Alcoholic
The story of Hugo Chavez' consolidation of power over his Venezuelan subjects will likely be viewed by future historians as one of the shrewdest Machiavellian power-grabs ever. The methodical, gradual"yet inexorable increase in control during his seven-year reign has been masterfully designed to avoid inciting social upheaval. Unfortunately for Venezuelans as well for people in neighboring countries, his brand of totalitarianism is likely to get much worse.
In myth # 66 of Alcoholism Myths and Realities, I mentioned that the United States initially dismissed Chavez because it was widely believed that "He's probably just a harmless ‘big talker.'"I wrote, "We dismiss such talk, in which the rich or some other class is blamed for society's problems, at great ...
Runners-Up: an actor, an actress, a mayor, a Congressman, a writer and a rock star
Runners-up for top story of the month:
Actor Lane Garrison, a co-star of the TV series "Prison Break,"reported by Beverly Hills police as having a blood alcohol level of over .20 per cent along with cocaine in his system after the crash in December that killed a teenager. I wrote in the January report that his attorney, Harland Braun, asserted that Garrison had consumed only two drinks that evening. I also suggested that Braun seems to have made a career of enabling alcoholics (prior clients include actor Robert Blake and former basketball player Dennis Rodman). Braun now says the actor's memory of how much he consumed may be unclear "because he's been in a horrible accident."No, his memory is unclear because ...
Under Watch: sportscaster Lapmley, GE Treasurer Jung and Geneticist Wm. French Anderson
Under watch:
Sports announcer Jim Lampley, 57, arrested on suspicion of domestic violence, violating a restraining order and dissuading a witness, after an altercation between him and Miss California USA 2003, Candice Sanders, 28. Sanders claimed she received injuries to her head, neck and back from being thrown against the walls and a door of her Encinitas, CA apartment on New Year's Eve. She also alleged that Lampley drank and smoked marijuana before attacking her. The restraining order apparently resulted from an incident two months before in which she claimed he threw her onto the floor of a New York restaurant. Linda Lee, the first of Lampley's three former wives, said Lampley isn't capable of striking anything, much less a woman. ...
San Francisco’s mayor Gavin Newsome and Los Alamos National Lab as codependents
Co-Dependents of the Month:
San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom, whose ex-lover Ruby Rippey-Tourk told her husband, Newsom's re-election campaign manager Alex Tourk, of her affair with Newsom. Ruby was working Step nine of the 12-Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, which suggests that direct amends be paid to people the alcoholic harmed "wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."Reportedly, Newsom could not have asked for a more loyal and supportive aide than Alex, who resigned when he learned of this ultimate breach of trust. Paying amends, which requires taking responsibility for past misbehaviors and accepting the consequences, can result in unforeseen fallout"which is the reason for the exception. However, it is entirely up to the addict to ...
The enabling of a singer and a despot: Paula Abdul and Hugo Chavez
Enabler of the Month:
Publicist Jeff Ballard, telling FOXNews.com that the recent FOX television morning-show interview of "American Idol"judge Paula Abdul resulted from a "technical problem. They dropped the sound not once but twice. She's in a little room by herself and could hear people shouting in her mike."He denied that Abdul's speech was impaired during the interview. More objective observers may beg to differ. Viewers watched Abdul almost swivel out of the shot and rock back and forth in her seat as she slurred her words. We would have to strain hard to find any adjective other than "drunk"to explain the truly bizarre scene. Mr. Ballard, please do your client a favor: get honest and stop enabling.
Oil money in the ...
“Babel”
Review: "Babelâ€
Artsy, with two alcoholism-related tangents
"Babel,"nominated for seven Academy Awards, is billed as a stylistic movie about connections and the difficulty of human communication. Indeed it is, but it's also one that portrays tragedy occurring without alcoholism, while worsening with it and its close relation"childlike actions, by children and their counterpart, adults with adolescent mindsets resulting from alcoholism. It also includes a tangential story that might have been compelling in itself and should have been separately told.
The connections are part and parcel of chaos theory, which posits that small changes in initial physical conditions can escalate into major changes and that the more distant in time, the less predictable the outcomes. In life, too, seemingly insignificant events can result in ...
I’d like my husband to slow down…He’s a road terrorist!
Dear Doug: Road Terrorist
Dear Doug:
My husband drives as if he were crazed. While a superb driver, he is very aggressive and creates dangerous situations"with me and the kids in the car"that require excellent driving to pull out of. He seems to have a need to always be ahead of everyone else. I beg him to slow down and he gets angry with me for being upset, showing a lack of regard for my wishes and feelings. He drove all of us to a friend's a few days ago and we haven't spoken since. Am I asking too much of him?
Signed,
Terrified in the Shot-Gun Position
. . . .
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might say that your husband sees his driving as an ...
Is Lisa Nowak crazy–or alcoholic?
"She's too smart to be an alcoholic, and if she does something at which we shake our heads in disbelief, we should assume she has a psychological problem.â€
The antic-of-the-month below, starring astronaut Lisa Nowak, brings to mind all sorts of myths. She's too smart, too successful; the stress caused her to freak out; it's probably a psychological problem rooted in something other than alcoholism; she's too good a mother; ad nauseam.
No, when inexplicable and destructive behaviors rear their ugly head, it's probably alcohol and other-drug addiction.
While there were reportedly few problems in Nowak's life until a few weeks ago, outsiders often have no idea about the turmoil that goes on behind closed doors. Such turmoil often continues for decades, while ...
Lisa Nowak, astronut
Last summer, astronaut Lisa Nowak was soaring 220 miles above earth, floating in the International Space Station. More recently, she was in a dingy jail awaiting a court appearance on charges of attempted kidnapping, attempted vehicle burglary, destruction of evidence and battery.
Nowak, 43, a married mother of three, donned a wig and trench coat, armed herself with a BB gun and pepper spray and"wearing diapers, so she wouldn't have to stop"drove 900 miles from Houston to Orlando. She then confronted fellow astronaut Colleen Shipman, who she suspected was involved with another astronaut, Navy Cmdr. William Oefelein. She told police she only wanted to "talk"to Shipman about her relationship with Oefelien, but couldn't explain the role of a wig, trench coat, ...
Actor Wesley Snipes follows in the footsteps of “Survivor” Richard Hatch
Actor Wesley Snipes, Tax Evasion and Addiction
The idea that white-collar criminals are usually alcoholics had never been seriously considered until I introduced the possibility in Drunks, Drugs & Debits. Yet the abuse of others, whether physical, psychological or financial, indicates alcoholism. The odds of addiction in a person committing fraud are, therefore, no different than those in someone engaging in other criminal acts. When "Survivor"winner Richard Hatch failed to report his $1.01 million in winnings, along with $321,000 from a 2001 radio stint the following year, I ascribed an 80% likelihood of addiction, earning him a spot in the "Under Watch"section of the March 2005 Addiction Report. After publishing that issue, I wondered whether a little digging could provide the ...
Runners-up for top story: a couple of actors, a couple of despots, a beauty queen and a former heavyweight
Runners-up for top story of the month:
Actor Jack Nicholson, 69, reportedly infuriating the producers and co-stars of his latest movie, "The Bucket List,"by staggering into the film's first read-through almost an hour late, acting belligerent, changing his lines and lighting a cigarette indoors (in California). An observer claimed that Nicholson "refused to take off his sunglasses, cursed and babbled over others as they tried to read their lines…â€
"The Simple Life"costar Nicole Richie, 25, arrested for DUI after being reported for driving the wrong way on the 134 freeway in Burbank, California at 3 a.m. When cops responded, they found Richie stopped in the carpool lane on her cell phone. She admitted to officers she'd smoked pot and taken Vicodin. She ...
Under Watch: District Attorney Mike Nifong
Under Watch:
North Carolina District Attorney Mike Nifong, charged with ethics violations by the North Carolina bar for making misleading and inflammatory statements to the media about the Duke lacrosse athletes under suspicion of sexual assault of a stripper (reported in the top story of the Thorburn Addiction Report, April-May 2006). Nifong was behind in his reelection campaign until he brought rape charges against three members of the Duke University lacrosse team. As columnist, social commentator and economist Thomas Sowell writes, "…this case was the salvation of his career, by enabling him to win the black vote with inflammatory charges against white students accused of raping a black woman…."Nifong dropped the rape charges after the head of a DNA lab testified ...