What do I do about acquaintances who drink and drive?
Drunk-Driving Couple
Dear Doug:
At a recent block party, a couple of acquaintances revealed that when they go out to dinner, they have two or three cocktails just before leaving their home. They explained they saved money, since they “only need to order one or two more” drinks at the restaurant. We were shocked to hear them admit to driving home after consuming these drinks over just a couple of hours. When we verbalized our concern, the husband, who does the driving, admitted he gets quite a buzz-on. What should we do?
Signed,
Acquaintances of regular DUIs
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists would rightly say the next time you see this couple get into their car while impaired that you call police and ask them to be on the lookout for the car, even though they won’t get involved unless they have reasonable cause to pull them over. Such columnists might suggest that you and your neighbors reason with them and say, “It’s the holiday season and we just don’t want you or anyone else to get hurt. Please stop drinking and driving.”
The trouble is you would be trying to reason with brain-damaged individuals. They drink to get drunk and do so by drinking before the event. Such “pre-drinking” is a classic indicator of alcoholism, as is the apparent amount consumed, which is often far more than what we see or what they admit to.
Since a DUI conviction is the most effective legal intervention, other columnists wisely suggest you try to have them arrested. However, since to your knowledge it hasn’t happened and, as pointed out in Get Out of the Way! How to Identify and Avoid a Driver Under the Influence, alcoholics get away with driving under the influence an average of at least 1,000 times for every arrest, informing police is unlikely to help. As explained in Drunks, Drugs & Debits, the most effective extra-legal way of dealing with alcoholism is conspiring with friends, family and associates in a formal intervention with a qualified interventionist. As acquaintances, you are limited in your ability to offer “uncompromising tough love,” which requires that a choice be given to the addict: sobriety or termination of the relationship. However, you might begin the process of educating others in the neighborhood, as well as any of their friends and family you can gain access to. Oh, and if a sober cop lives in the neighborhood, by all means get him involved.
(Source for story idea: Ask Amy, December 23, 2010.)