Excessive charm is not a good thing. The reason proves elusive, even to the “experts.”
A brief bonus Myth-of-the-Month is appropriate this month due to the Abuelazam story:
“It is really not a matter of ‘Jekyll and Hyde.’ It is a matter of who the person is trying to charm and who they don’t care about charming.”
So spoke Dr. Park Dietz, who has given court testimony or consulted on numerous serial killer cases, including Jeffrey Dahmer, regarding Abuelazam’s classic style. Dietz got it partly right: it is about who the person is trying to charm and who they don’t care about charming. He’s also correct in stating it’s a huge red flag and that this is one “of the least misunderstood signs” that the person might have ulterior motives. He explains that “charm is not a good thing. It is a misleading thing.” However, Dietz, according to reports, didn’t link addictive drinking or drugging to the egomania that makes one want to charm another, even if he implicitly knows it’s about controlling the other person. Instead, he explains that such charm is “exactly what one expects from someone who has an aggressive personality disorder.” Missing the link to addiction is tragic, since we will occasionally see the drinking, which when linked to charm is an almost certain warning that tragedy will ultimately occur.