Losing a home after 22 years is an indication of excessive spending fueled by alcoholism. But you need to look for it.
Losing my home and my mind
Dear Doug:
Due to the weak economy, we are being forced from our home of 22 years. Our grown children have no idea about our financial travails. I’m angry and disappointed with my husband, who I blame for this circumstance. I think we need counseling, but all the local therapists are friends or acquaintances of ours. What should I do?
Signed,
Financially and mentally disabled
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists would tell you the obvious: you took on too much debt to support your lifestyle, implying you used your home as an ATM without explicitly saying so. It needs to be said.
Other columnists might also mention the fact that because you didn’t say it, you must not have lost your jobs. They’d suggest you tell family and friends you got caught up in the housing bubble and must now downsize. You can hope your children and others learn from your experience as you admit to your mistakes.
They wouldn’t tell you the less obvious: at 22 years you should have had your home nearly paid for and that your apparent continuous borrowing is often (even if not always) indicative of an alcoholism-fueled sense of financial invincibility in one or the other if not both of you. One or both of you figured the debt load was affordable when it wasn’t. One or both of you wanted to spend wantonly when you didn’t have the funds without increasing your debt. This is, considering you purchased your home in the pre-bubble days of 1988, an indication of impaired judgment usually rooted in alcoholism.
It sounds as if you are embarrassed by your husband’s financial behaviors. You should look at other behaviors as well. If there are other misbehaviors and he drinks heavily or uses other drugs in conjunction with even a little drinking, there is likely alcoholism as I have redefined it in How to Spot Hidden Alcoholics. You should also look at yourself: you benefited from the spending and gave at least tacit approval for over two decades. You may or may not also have the disease of alcoholism, but there is little question about serious co-dependency.
(Source for story idea: Ask Amy, September 6, 2010.)