Party girl’s mother could be an addict, too.
19-year-old addict
Dear Doug:
My 19-year-old cousin had a rough road through adolescence and a tough time in high school, but graduated. Her graduation party, however, was unpleasant.
She barely acknowledged any of her guests except for several friends she left with to “take a walk.” They returned after at least an hour, laughing, cursing and carrying on, inhaling all the food they could find. Oh, and their eyes were bloodshot and they reeked of dope and booze. Her mother, my aunt, joked about their absence and their having the “munchies.”
For my cousin’s graduation gift, I purchased tickets to an event with the intention of taking her. Now I don’t want to go with her. I’m wondering if I should just give her the tickets and let her take someone else. Although I’m disgusted with the behavior of both my cousin and aunt, I’m thinking about bringing up the subject with my aunt.
Signed,
Should I say something?
. . . . .
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might respond that it’s pretty obvious why your cousin has struggled so much and that it’s challenging to rise above neglectful parents. They’d suggest that if you are close to your aunt, express not disgust but concern and be prepared to have little discernible effect. No question about that.
However, I’m not convinced it should be tried. Your aunt is either an enabler which, after raising her daughter for 19 years is not something you’re going to stop with an expression of “concern,” or a co-addict. I’m inclined to think the latter, but could be wrong. How to Spot Hidden Alcoholics Using Behavioral Clues to Recognize Addiction in its Early Stages would help you diagnose your aunt.
I would object, however, to columnists who might suggest that you continue with your plans to attend the event with your cousin. They’d say the experience might help to connect you, influencing her in a positive way.
I don’t think so.
I’d expect her to try to get high as a kite during the event, whatever it is. Why should you subject yourself to the likely unpleasantness of such an evening?
(Source for story idea: Ask Amy, July 8, 2009.)