Chris Brown and a bar full of alcoholics, enabled to society’s detriment.
Enablers of the month:
One of the sources reporting on the Chris Brown-Rihanna entanglement, explaining they are “both pretty stubborn.” No, Mr. Source, while we can’t yet be sure about her, Brown is an addict. Dr. Jay Carter, a psychologist and “world-renowned expert on anger and abuse,” says “both need therapy, and Chris needs anger-management classes….If they do get back together…they need to attend joint counseling.” No, Mr. Carter, while she may need counseling he needs AA. (I’d say “Mr. Carter, you idiot,” but that would unfairly denigrate idiots.)
Heidi, the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decided to allow her loyal customers – most of whom were unemployed alcoholics – to drink now but pay later. She kept track of the drinks consumed. Not surprisingly, increasing numbers of customers flooded into Heidi’s bar. Taking advantage of her customers’ freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increased her prices. Her sales volume increased massively. A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognized these customer debts as valuable future assets and increased Heidi’s borrowing limit.
He saw no reason for undue concern since the debts of the alcoholics served as collateral. At the bank’s corporate headquarters, creative bankers transformed these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS, which were sold on markets worldwide. No one asked how the securities will ever be paid or who their guarantors were. Nevertheless, the security prices climbed and became top sellers.
One day, although the prices were still climbing, a (sober) bank risk manager (subsequently fired) decided to demand payment before additional credit would be extended. When Heidi discovered that the alcoholics could not pay back their debts, she told the bank she couldn’t pay her loans and was forced into bankruptcy.
DRINKBOND and ALKBOND dropped in price by 95%. PUKEBOND performed better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.
The suppliers of Heidi’s bar, having invested in the securities that were now practically worthless, found their cash flow greatly reduced. Her wine supplier went bankrupt and her beer supplier was taken over by a liquor company.
The bank, however, was saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders of both political parties. The funds required for this purpose were obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.
Finally, an explanation we can all understand.
Source: Unknown; re-edited for the Thorburn Addiction Report.