Un-invite the party animal, and don’t apologize.
Party animal
Dear Doug:
We live in a nice neighborhood and are immediately adjacent to a community park. Once a year, on “community day”at the park featuring rides for children, ethnic food and fireworks, we open our home to family, friends and neighbors. We provide food and refreshments, including some adult beverages.
Each year, one of the neighbors, John, tries to set a new personal drinking record. He begins drinking early in the day (starting with his own bottle) and by afternoon he is slurring and staggering. He openly pops prescription pills with the booze. He eventually embarrasses everyone by becoming rude, obnoxious and obscene. We’ve asked John to behave, but to no avail. We think we’ll never hear the end of it from all the other attendees if we un-invite him to the next party.
This one drunk out of 50 has caused us to rethink our hospitality. We don’t want to punish the other 49 people and go away for the weekend in future years, but we’re pondering the idea. What do you think?
Signed,
Party animal’s victim
. . . .
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might correctly suggest that you stop inviting John. But they’d add that if you don’t want to do that, assign someone to baby-sit and take John home when he becomes obnoxious. They might also suggest that you talk to John about the problem when he is sober.
Other columnists do not understand, as pointed out on countless occasions (including my discussion of comedian Phil Hartmann’s murder by his wife Brynn in “Drunks, Drugs & Debits”), that we cannot predict how destructive the behaviors of a practicing alcoholic may become, or when. You risk a heavy scene at the party by attempting to remove him. You may even risk legal liability resulting from his actions while on your property. He should, instead, be un-invited.
Moreover, such columnists fail to grasp that the defenses of the practicing alcoholic, even when the blood alcohol level is temporarily at zero, will generally overwhelm any one person’s attempt to discuss the problem rationally. Do not attempt this on your own. Instead, suggest to his family that they stage a formal professionally-led intervention”and give each of them a copy of “Drunks, Drugs & Debits,” so they can begin the process of uncompromising disenabling with a clear conscience.