Who’s the party girl?
Company Party
Dear Doug:
My wife works for a company that hosts a large Christmas dinner party that turns into a drunk fest. The boss buys repeated shots for everyone. I have become disgusted with the incredibly adolescent behavior and even fights. Worse, while my wife and I have a designated driver, no one else does. It’s only a matter of time before someone is killed by one of the partygoers.
Each year my wife has talked about not going but always does and insists we leave last. I suggest that if we go, we enjoy the cocktails and dinner and leave soon after. My wife thinks that would be rude. What do you think?
Signed, Too Old to Party Hardy
. . . .
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might suggest that while you are right, refrain from making your farewells in a hurried manner. That way, the heavy drinkers may not even notice you’re gone and others who may be uncomfortable may gain a bit of courage and walk out early as well. Perhaps the boss will get the hint and tone down future parties.
How naive.
First, as the lead alcoholic, the boss is incapable of getting the hint. Second, the fact that the company is not only led but also populated by a slew of alcoholics suggests it may not survive (my guess is it’s a sub-prime lender and hasn’t). Third, even if it does, your wife is at risk of back stabbing and betrayal by co-workers or even the boss, which at some point may cost her job. Finally, your wife may be one of them, the evidence for which is her heavy drinking and refusal to leave the party early.
You drink too. But note you are not interested in staying once the party really gets going. Alcoholics generally hang in there. Observe the difference between your drinking behaviors and your wife’s: she wants to party long after you are ready for bed. This is one of the classic differences between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinking, even if the non-alcoholic occasionally drinks heavily. As pointed out in Drunks, Drugs & Debits (page 87) the fact that alcoholics “don’t feel sick from the poisonous effects of acetaldehyde as quickly as do non-addicts…give the alcoholic the ability to party all night long.”
You’ve got your hands full. You need to start at home: determine whether your wife is has the disease of alcoholism. If she does, you need to intervene in her disease. Once sober, the rest will follow as day follows night.
(Source for story idea: Annie’s Mailbox, December 18, 2007.)