Why are so many older men jerks?
Problem men
Dear Doug:
At age 61 and in good shape, I am having a terrible time finding decent men to date. After a date or two I learn that many are egotistical, lying, bombastic and pontificating jerks. What happens to men in their 50s and 60s anyway?
I left my marriage of 32 years after giving up trying to fix myself with therapy while my husband drank, as he always did, his fifth of vodka a day, more recently with no worries and no job. What’s the story here, anyway?
Signed,
Giving up on men
. . . .
Dear Codependent,
Some columnists might simply comment that not all men are like those you’ve dated, but you shouldn’t need a man to be happy.
True, but that’s just the start of the story.
You’re used to the behaviors, having been married to an alcoholic for 32 years. Your father may have had this disease as well, which helped get you into the first marriage and keep you there for so long. Each of the behaviors described–egotistical, lying, bombastic and pontificating–are consistent with egomania rooted in alcoholism.
Because alcohol and other-drug addicts get divorced more often than non-addicts, plenty of single people in the older age groups have the disease of addiction. You might try screening men before you even go out with them. And don’t try to meet any at bars. While not every man at a bar is an alcoholic, the odds are greater–and because they can be so charming and you are so used to the behaviors, you may at first be more attracted to the addict than to the non-addict sitting on a bar stool. Try some other venues and make sure that any private introductions are made by non-addicts.
(Source for story idea: Annie’s Mailbox, September 25, 2007.)