Dear Doug: Petacide
SEPTEMBER 2004
Dear Doug,
My husband shot and killed my pet poodle in front of my daughter and me. He flew into a rage because I had burnt some food and took his anger out on a helpless animal. While he was always in a foul mood and sometimes hateful and mean, I never dreamt he would do something this perverse or I’d have left him long ago. I had him arrested for animal cruelty and have filed for divorce after 15 years of marriage.
Unfortunately, he is in jail and I have only $30 to my name. I am wondering how I can access his money and some of the several pension checks he receives every month.
— Abused and Broke
. . . . . .
Dear Abused and Broke,
While other columnists might focus their comments on how to collect pensions, access his money and obtain inexpensive or free legal help, the more important advice relates to a message you might provide to others. Your husband, with whom you no doubt tried to reason for 15 very long years, displays numerous behavioral indications of alcoholism. If alcoholic, he was incapable of reason and quite capable – as he has now proven – of horrifying behaviors.
One of numerous misbehaviors gleaned from your letter suggesting there is an addiction to psychotropic drugs (those capable of causing distortions of perception and memory, leading to impaired judgment and manifesting in destructive behaviors) is an incessant foul mood. Due to the residual brain damage from a build-up of poison (acetaldehyde), the emotional state of the middle-stage alcoholic can be especially volatile. Hatred and malevolence, while rarely found in non-alcoholics, are common in addicts. As you discovered, this can take extreme forms. Most abuse, whether inflicted upon humans or helpless animals, is rooted in alcoholism. (If PETA really wants to help end abuse, they will concentrate on early intervention in the lives of alcoholics.)
The alcoholic’s need to wield power often takes its toll financially. While some spend beyond their means, others control finances, refusing to allow a spouse access to his or her money. The fact that you have no apparent means of support suggests an extra effort was expended in controlling your use of family funds, increasing the odds of addiction.
Assigning inappropriate blame is one of numerous unhealthy traits found almost exclusively in alcoholics. As you can see, this can take monstrous forms. Unfortunately, because nobody ever taught you the behavioral indications of alcoholism and that this may lay at the root of the behaviors, you didn’t know that his conduct was destined to worsen over time. Something you might consider for the future, after recovering emotionally and financially from this devastating series of events, is to share your experience with others. You will be able to offer firsthand evidence that if the signs are there, regardless of how wonderful a loved one might be at times and how great his or her potential, alcoholism left untreated will inevitably lead to tragedy.
(Source for story idea: Annie’s Mailbox, August 8, 2004)