Elder abuse, financial style
A person concerned about the possibility of elder abuse writes: “I have good friends, neighbors, who are being taken advantage of by their adult children. I wouldn’t be so concerned if grandma was only expected to baby-sit often and for free. Nor would I be concerned if grandpa only ran what is essentially a taxi service to and from kids’ sporting events and after-school activities while the parents work. My concern is that my neighbors’ children are actually expecting and getting the parents to pay for clothing and activities over and above what they can afford on their fixed income. How can I help these grandparents draw the line?”
At the risk of seeming flippant and all-too-blunt, the grandparents are often unable to draw any lines because they are unwilling to identify alcohol or other-drug addiction in their baby. And yes, it is addicts who take advantage of everyone around them and sing the praises of “me-me-me-me-me,” even if those who they are taking advantage of are their own parents.
Do these behavioral clues to addiction definitively point to addiction? No, but they should alert us to the possibility. Remember, if we don’t suspect addiction we never find it. And if there’s addiction, we know we cannot reason with the children.
If, on the other hand, we can confirm that neither parent is an alcohol or other-drug addict, the kids can be talked to and reasoned with. Unfortunately, the odds against this being the case. Addiction causes the afflicted to abuse others, sometimes financially. Therefore, if there is financial abuse, there is usually addiction.