The firefighter in a bikini and other tales of the bizarre
Story from “This is True” by Randy Cassingham, with his “tagline:”
“PUBLIC HUMILIATION IN THE INTERNET ERA: Visitors at a park in Mason, Ohio, called police after an apparently drunk man climbed into his pickup truck and started driving around, including near the children’s play area. When an officer arrived, “I observed [the suspect] to be wearing a very skimpy woman’s … bikini with two tan water balloons taped to the top to simulate two woman’s breasts and a pair of pink Speedo flip-flop sandals,” Officer Scott Miller said in his report. Steven S. Cole, 46, a volunteer firefighter who had emergency lights on his truck, was also wearing a blond wig, and allegedly had a blood alcohol level of .174 percent. He explained he was on his way to a contest at a “gay bar”; police found more wigs, a pair of silver go-go boots, beer, and other items in his truck. Cole was charged with drunken driving, having an open container, public indecency and disorderly conduct. (Cincinnati Enquirer) …But since police released his booking photos and they’re all over the web, they really need to drop the charges to avoid Double Jeopardy.”
Crazy, bizarre and downright stupid behaviors are all evidence of alcoholism. Steven Cole’s behaviors qualify. Of course he should be booked for DUI and suffer the consequences, even if Randy facetiously suggests that he’s already suffered enough to dissuade him from ever again getting behind the wheel of a car while drunk. But since we really don’t know how much pain any one addict needs, the pictures should be considered a bonus and justice should come down as hard on him as on anyone else convicted of DUI.
This story is reminiscent of others in which alcoholics have found themselves in, shall we say, sensitive positions. A few from my archives include a fire chief, arrested and convicted after being found in a compromising position with a neighbor’s lamb; a man convicted of drinking and driving, and then allowing his 8-year-old son to drive the car (“I was teaching him how to drive”); a woman arrested for DUI and then for simple assault after grabbing the arresting officer’s genitals four times while twice being administered breath tests; the Israeli ambassador to El Salvador, recalled after he was found drunk and naked with sex toys lying nearby in the yard of his official residence; and a woman who ran over a stop sign in her SUV, dragged it by the undercarriage and was found completely nude by arresting officers. Although police detected “a strong odor of alcohol in the SUV,” she claimed she had drunk just “one beer.” Yup, just like the rest of them.
(Story and tagline from “This is True,” copyright 2007 by Randy Cassingham, used with permission.)