Misdiagnosis of the month:
William Hahne, 57, a former chemical engineer, pleaded guilty on charges of sending mail laced with synthetic hallucinogen NBOMe, which has an effect similar to LSD, to pals in the Joseph V. Conte Jail in Pompano Beach, Florida. Hahne’s lawyer, Glenn Kritzer, in asking for a lenient sentence, explained his client has “a long history of mental illness, including psychosis, [which] contributed to his track record of drug-related arrests.” Kritzer has cause and effect reversed: his drug addiction likely caused or triggered any psychosis.
Nearly-correct diagnosis of the month:
The same William Hahne told U.S. District Judge William Dimitrouleas, “I hope you’ll believe me when I tell you I will never do this again.” The judge, to his credit, asked whether Hahne used those words when he was sentenced to four years in 2004 for manufacturing drugs in a “sophisticated lab” in his home, an arrest that got him fired from his county job. The judge “weighed Hahne’s history of mental illness and his criminal history” to determine the sentence; he ordered Hahne to “receive treatment for his mental health and substance abuse problems” while in prison. Not bad, Judge Dimitrouleas, but Hahne has proven to society he cannot safely use drugs. Therefore, you have the right to do what you can to get him and keep him sober: proscribe use for Hahne as part of his sentence and as a condition of parole.
Some things you just can’t make up:
Jonathan Restrepo, 25, jumped out of his girlfriend’s car into traffic and, according to a witness, ran “around like a monkey with his tongue out, waving his arms in the air, jumping on top of cars,” the last of which didn’t stop. Restrepo reportedly scrambled around the roof on his knees, looking through the window at what was reportedly a terrified driver. After police were finally able to stop the car, Restrepo jumped off and explained someone was after him, admitting he was using crystal meth, the drug that we addictionologists know most frequently causes addicts to engage in the most insane behaviors. In case you can’t visualize this, here’s the full video.