Can an addict be identified based on Facebook posts? But of course! Especially when the posts mock a 3-year-old.
Loving grandmother so proud of her 3-year-old grandson!
Dear Doug:
I’ve been privileged to care for my 3-year-old grandson weekly since his birth. Because our family lives across the U.S. and appreciates updates on his growing up, I frequently post his pictures on Facebook. The trouble is, one family member responds by posting only negative remarks: his baby blanket is the wrong color, why can’t he be potty trained, his hair is funny looking. She is void of anything positive.
She finally annoyed me so much I deleted her comments from my page. This was a spur-of-the-moment reaction and probably rude. Has any etiquette evolved in regards to Facebook posts? Is there a positive way I could respond to her?
Signed,
Proud Granny
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might wonder about someone making “disparaging remarks” about a 3-year-old on Facebook and suggest jealousy. I would suggest another possibility: a need to inflate one’s ego by belittling others, which is one of the great early indications of addiction.
Addicts must inflate their egos to perpetuate their addiction and stave off the late stages of the disease, when all they care about is access to their drug. They do this by wielding capricious power over others. One subtle variant is to belittle, as if to say “I’m better than you” and “I could do a better job than you at raising your kid!” It’s sick and barely explicable to the psychologically healthy among us, but she’s doing what addicts do.
Other columnists might point out you can either block her comments or block her access to pictures unless you specifically allow it. They would suggest you might call her and ask whether the two of you can fix the problem. But, those columnists don’t understand addiction. Don’t waste your time; you are almost assuredly dealing with an addict. Until she gets clean and sober, you cannot reason with her. Be forewarned: she may promise to stop—but until she’s sober, her promises are meaningless.
(Source for story idea: “Ask Amy,” June 24, 2014.)